It stunned me watching folks, mainly women, neglect their friends once they got a new boo. Or was that just my perception? Who really knows? I know that there are some women who really do just let it all go for the one whom they have instantly fallen immensly in love with. But now I am on the flip side of the situation and have been accused of the same thing. Not that I have to prove myself to anyone, but this is definitely the wrong perception.
Over the past 10 months I have gathered that "friends" often have a rough time adjusting to their "friends" being in a relationship and vice versa. Think about it. Time is now split between your friends and your boo. In the beginning it is a hard thing to balance. Should you have to? No you shouldn't have to but for the sake of your relationships you should want to. I mean, who wants to be with someone who spends the majority of their time with their friends? Who wants to be friends with someone who spends the majority of their time with their boo?
Here is what I think both sides of the spectrum should do or understand:
- It's really not about you! Harsh, but true. It's easy to be selfish is situations like these. You want your friend time or you want your boo time. What about what your friend wants? What about what your boo wants?
- Friends should definitely understand or gain understanding of the "getting to know you" phase of a new relationship. Friends shouldn't be neglected but they should be happy that their friend has found someone they are interested in.
- Boo's should encourage friend time.
- There is a huge difference between being territorial and being protective. Don't be rude.
- It's never wise to assume. Things go a lot smoother when you ask what you want to know. So just because you don't see your friend as much anymore does not mean it is automatically because of her romantic relationship. Ask.
- Friend and Boo should at least have one thing in common: to see you happy
- Friends, keep in mind that the goal eventually of any serious intimate relationship is to get married and that won't happen if your friend is always with you.
- Feeling neglected? Communicate!
It's tough trying to find balance between the boo and the friends. It's even tougher when either of the two are demanding, consciously and subconsciously. This could essentially be a tough lesson to learn. It was for me. What I have learned is that people are going to assume what they want. Perception is everything but it's not up to me to constantly attempt to change someone's perception. Although, I want my friends and boo to be happy, I want me to be happy first. Everyone can not be pleased.
Off my soap box now...