FEATURE: Baby Mama Drama

I was raised by a single mother. Yes, my parents were separated and divorced before I turned 7. I remember the day my mom got served the papers. We were sitting in our apartment in Long Beach minding our own business, eating, watching TV. My mom goes through the mail and I here her say "Oh no he didn't! He sent me the papers!"

Although my parents had already been split, this was still a devastating blow. I got so angry. So sad. So filled with emotion that I just went in my room and cried. The real end. Over. Caput!

My mommy raised me and my sis. Dad would come get us sometimes but within a year he'd already began a new family (four lil bros and sisters). So I didn't see him a lot. And then he moved to Texas and I saw him even less. Ok enough with the back story.

My mom was not a baby mama per say. When her and my father got hitched, she was pregnant...and showing. They probably neeeeeeeeever should have gotten married lol. So many couples make this mistake. Like you already sinned, God will deal with that. Don't get married on top of it just to appease the sin. Unless y'all really do love each other and were going to be together anyway. If y'all didn't like each other like that from jump then it most likely won't work out (common sense people).

But they tried!
Anyway, I grew up wanting more than what I've seen around me. Most of the marriages in my family have ended in this manner. Women getting divorced and raising the kids on their own!  I don't like it and won't have it. So I endeavored to wait. I proclaimed that if I did not have a husband I would not have kids. No babymamness for me. I chose to learn from the mistakes around me.  Simple, right?

Now let's get into this a little deeper. Technically, my mother wasn't a baby mama but she kinda was. I saw this behavior but did not want this for myself. My question... Why are there generations of baby mamas?  Why don't the daughters learn from the mistakes of their mothers?  If your mom struggled her whoooooooole life to raise you all by herself because of bad choices she made, then why would you follow right behind those steps to create the same life?  There is a choice.  I want to empower women to explore other options.

It seems like a rite of passage passed down. I've heard a few stories of generations of women having babies the same age and some even the same sex! All out of wed lock. All without the protection of a family. But when we look around, yes marriage is so attacked that it seems like we should stay the heck away and through it out the window! But in all actuality, that's a trick of satan! There's nothing like family and family is very important to God.

But this message isn't to berate women who have had babies out of wed lock. It's really a question as to why?  And to begin dialogue on how we can fix it.

I realize that some women don't have the close relationship my mom and I have. She pushed me to wait until I found the right guy even though she didn't. But not in a forceful way. She said learn from me. With her words though and that may be a key part of the problem. I had common sense enough to be able to NOT mimic the behavior I grew up seeing. Some people can only emulate the behaviors they see daily, unable to break the cycle. But maybe their just not aware that THERE'S ANOTHER WAY!!!

There is just more. What about your purpose and dreams?  Having a baby isn't the only way to get someone to love you. And it's kinds selfish too if you and that baby will just end up struggling to make it.

And a word on choosing mates:
People show you who they are from the jump. If you are with a man for more than a year and he does not have a job, he doesn't want one. I'm sorry!  He could work anywhere until whatever he really wants to do falls through. Don't have a baby with him then expect him to turn into a Superman.
And if y'all been together for three years and he hasn't even uttered the word marriage, he may not ever want to marry you....ever. Men just don't take that long in most cases. So don't have a baby with him either! That won't make him marry you in most cases.
Each one teach one. More than that, each one who has the knowledge, the common sense, the determination to have a better life, help out your fellow sister. Women need each other. Baby mama syndrome is caused by a lack of positive and influential womanly relationships and that's the truth!  Women need each other. We have to teach one another and hold each other accountable. If a woman cannot find that role model in her own mother, then she needs to find it somewhere. But she has to know that it's a need. And so many won't. It's sad but true.

I will continue to do my part. God gave me a heart for women and these issues so I will continue to ask my questions and I will continue to take as many women under my wings that God will allow.  There are options. Babies are wonderful and so is sex but count he cost. A night of good sex isn't worth a life of struggle. The woman doesn't deserve it and neither does the baby.

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