#10- It's ok to be Alone. Alone does NOT equal lonely

I will be 29 in 10 days! 10 days!!!!

I learned some incredible lessons this past year, so I thought I'd share them with you.  The next 10 blogs will consist of the 10 most valuable lessons 28 taught me. Enjoy

I was so done with 27 and by the time 28 began I was already anticipating 29. 27 ended and 28 contained glimpses of the bad things I experienced during 27. I was determined to move forward and become a better me at all costs.  Things were changing left and right but I made a decision to embrace the change and not to let it affect me and my plans. In fact I wanted the changes to enhance 28.

One of the most valuable lessons 28 taught me was one my mom and close friends had been trying to teach me for quite some time.  It is ok to be alone.  When I finally became fed up with the relationship I wasn’t in but hoped would reconvene at some point, I gave it all up.  Being in a relationship does not solve all of your problems, issues nor insecurities. If the relationship is a bad one (which this one was) it can cause more problems than the ones you were trying to cover up by getting into a relationship.

Once I finally ended it I came to a huge realization. I was simply holding on because I was scared to and really didn’t know how to be alone. What? Afraid to be alone? Why? Ever since I can remember I was with someone in some capacity from the time I was allowed to date until a year and a half ago. What was so good about being in that relationship, I could not tell you. Avoiding being alone caused more pain than it did when I finally let go.

It was an Aha moment. I CAN do THIS!!! I knew I had to do it. There was no other choice. Being alone was hard in the beginning. But just like any other habit, it’s hard in the beginning but over time it gets easier and better. This process wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Who knew that not being in a relationship wouldn’t be as painful as people make it seem?

My time alone started with much prayer. I needed it like never before. This was so new to me and I knew I was not going to be able to do it in my own strength. My number one goal was to discover Minah for myself. I knew who I was with other people and in relationships but I had the slightest clue as to who I was alone. I succeeded. The fear was discovering things I did not like but to my surprise I liked me. I loved me! What a great feeling it is to discover the real you and to like it.

This time alone has been great. Contrary to popular belief alone does NOT equal lonely. I am not lonely at all. I have taken time to get to know me, to set goals and even accomplish them. Throughout this time I have chosen to focus on my dreams and the purposes and plans God has placed inside of me. That's what time alone is all about, with no distractions.

Do not get me wrong, being in a relationship with the right person at the right time is great. It's just when we refuse to be alone that we bring harm to ourselves. Like my mom says, "you can't jump out of the frying pan into the skillet". In other words, you should not go from one person to the next to the next. Everyone needs time to heal, to learn.  It's ok to be alone. Alone does NOT equal lonely.